This is my unfortunate and very sad story, please read it and I really hope you can help me out.
My name is Saniaa and I m a 21 years old going on 22 nursing student staying in Mauritius. In my December holidays last year in 2011, I went on holidays with my uncle to Egypt, Jordan, Israel and Dubai as I really needed a break from everything.
When I went to Egypt, I met a 29 year old man. He is a tourist guide, says he had stayed in US before and told me basic things about him and his family. His name is Said. He was very nice with me and unexpectedly he asked me to become his girlfriend. I was really confused at that time and I unconsciously accepted. My uncle wasn’t aware of all that and on my last night in Egypt, Said and I went out to a big shopping mall and we had dinner, he treated me so nicely, like nobody ever was to me. Nothing happened, we just held hands, that’s it. He accompanied me back to my hotel later and that was the last time I saw him. The day I was leaving for Jordan, we talked a lot on the phone and he even cried, saying he will miss me, he promised me marriage, etc.
Even when I was in Jordan, he used to call me and text me, he was very nice. When I went to Israel, I prayed one in Jerusalem, Said even asked me to pray for us. He really made me feel like he really loved me, and that went on even when I went to Dubai and back to Mauritius in January 2012 this year.
Everything between us was ok, he told me he would come to see me in February, meet my family and we would make it official.
The way he treated me and all his sweet words made me really fall in love with him and we became closer and we used to talk about everything, even about dirty talking but he was always the one to start the topic and I really didn’t like that and wasn’t comfortable.
Then, he couldn’t come because of a financial problem and would tell me he was saving every pound to finish the apartment where we would live after marriage. But he told me as soon as he can, he will come, so I kept waiting.
As days passed by, we started having discussions, sometimes he would tell me he is breaking up with me and then we would get back together and I really felt we were drifting apart. We talked less and less, and I was always the one calling him and he would send me 1-2 text message every day, saying he is busy with work.
I couldn’t handle the situation anymore, because I wanted to solve this and also to know if I was wasting my time by waiting for him here while he was in Egypt and free to do what he wanted.
So I decided to go to Egypt again with my best friend. I compromised a lot to go there. I borrowed a huge sum of money from a friend, I missed lectures, assignments and assessments at school, took the risk of not being able to take the final exams, and most of all I left my sick dad who had just had a heart attack 2 days before my departure. My mom was worried, also we lied to my best friend’s parents telling them we were going to stay at one of my relative’s place but it was all false. We were supposed to stay in a flat just the two of us, all alone.
By going there, I wanted to meet his parents and make sure he wasn’t fooling me and also to see if he really had the apartment he said we would stay in after marriage.
So finally I went there, and Said came to pick us up at the airport and was nice and took us to the flat. As soon as we arrived, Said kissed me, and I didn’t see that coming. Later on, he started getting dirty and behaving in a way that I didn’t like, as he was kind of pushing me to have sex.
I resisted but then I don’t know how he managed to get his dick in me, quickly came inside and satisfied himself: It felt like rape. He had to leave because he had a work to settle and said he would come back in the evening. Right away I felt so stupid and used. I was so down, I had a shower and slept.
I woke up when he came back, he hugged me and said he didn’t mean to do that with me but he said he couldn’t control himself.
I didn’t know what to think and say, I was in such a confused and disoriented state. Again after dinner, when my best friend went to her room, Said started kissing me and touching me all over my body and again he removed my clothes although I resisted but because of the love I felt, I opened my legs and there he was: 10 minutes and he came. This even felt worse. It was more selfish just like rape but I convinced myself that there was something in his heart to eventually count on.
I know it was all wrong, he told me he would come to Mauritius for sure and he would marry me.
As the days went on, I could feel it was more physical than emotional, and every day he was delaying to take me to see his mother. I was finding that weird.
Note that I went to Egypt only for 10 days, and Said was supposed to be with us only 5 days because he had to take his Dad who is suffering from Leukemia to the US for treatment. So the other 5 remaining days my best friend and I were going to stay alone in a hotel.
On our last day together, we were out to the Pyramids, I asked him to lend me his phone to check my facebook. He did lend it to me, but accidentally I saw messages from other girls and to whom he did reply. I was shocked and heartbroken, I couldn’t believe he was actually cheating on me. I was very upset, he noticed that and that’s when I told him I was breaking up with him.
He tried to deny the messages and finally he ended up being more upset than I was. We went back to the flat and we had another discussion and finally it didn’t solve anything. I was so hurt, I went to sleep, he came to wake me up and said he was sorry and somehow he convinced me it was not true.
Again he conned me, he started being nice again to me, I told him let’s go meet his mom, again he found an excuse that his mother wasn’t at home.
For the last time, he “used” me and satisfied his needs and then suddenly he had to leave because his dad was very ill.
He left that night and came back in the morning that is when my best friend and I were transferring to the hotel. He helped us with our luggage, accompanied us to the hotel, and before leaving, he promised to come to Mauritius.
That was the last time I saw him since then.
During the remaining days, he called me and texted me from the US, he was using roaming on his phone, but actually I didn’t really believed him that he said he went to the US.
In December, I stayed in that same hotel and knew some of the people in the area. Some of those people knew Said and have his phone number.
Three days prior to coming back to Mauritius, my best friend and I were walking around when one of the people I met in December came into my way. I didn’t get time to avoid him and he started talking to me. Some of the people who know Said saw that and immediately called Said and told him I was talking to another man. I received Said’s call immediately and he started shouting at me and told me I was stupid, that I had betrayed him and cheated on him and he was breaking up with me, he didn’t give me time to talk. He asked me if I knew that man from before, and I lied to him because I knew if I told him the truth, he would have gotten even angrier. That was the only lie I told him.
I called him so many times to explain myself but he didn’t want to hear me out.
Even when I came back to Mauritius, I called him and texted him to apologise. It took him a good 2 weeks to talk to me again and things were a bit better, but then again he would blame me for what happened and started shouting again at me. It was harder for me because from the bottom of my soul, I knew I didn’t betray him.
Since I came back from Egypt, I have been repenting and asking the Almighty to forgive me, I am praying my 5 times a day and I have started wearing the cloth that hides my face.
It’s been 4 days now but we don’t talk anymore. He has blocked me on facebook and whatsapp. In the last conversation we had, he treated me so badly and hurt me a lot. He called me all types of names: b—h, playgirl etc, and told me to go after other men.
He told me to f–k off, he never wanted to hear from me again, he said he would block me from his life and delete me. He made me feel so worthless. In anger, I told him he is an a–hole and he has used me and then ditched me, and now he was satisfied. He said yes, he used me and now he is satisfied. That made me feel even worse.
Since then, I have lost my self-esteem and feel very sad; I’m so depressed and feel used and dirty.
I have promised to myself and to the Almighty that I won’t ever get into a relationship again, I sincerely regret what happened with Said.
I just wish things didn’t turn out that way. I feel like it was all false, like he has been pretending all the time. He is a muslim as well, how could he do that to me?
I really want to feel better:
Will the Almighty ever forgive me for my sins? Will I find someone who will love me sincerely and complete half of my rib?
I have to admit that what happened has benefited me in a way that my faith has increased. I pray every day and read the holy book.
Please brothers and sisters, I need your advices and encouragements to feel better, to get over Said and to move on.
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