" Simuamini Tena Mume wangu Baada ya kuona Ujumbe Facebook"

My husband and I have been married just over a year. I live overseas and have applied for his immigration. He is working in another country. Last month I discovered that he had a ‘secret’ account on facebook that I came across by chance. I asked him about it and he swore on Allah that it wasn’t his. I emailed facebook and got his password from them.

I logged in and saw that it was indeed his account. He had added people from his work on it and was messaging random girls telling them how pretty they were and how he wanted to be friends with them. He also didn’t tell anyone from his work that he was married and in one message he was telling his male colleagues that some girl at his work was a ‘hot bitch’. When I told him that I saw the messages at first he said that one of his friends used his account to message girls.

Then he said that we had argued and I wasn’t talking to him and he was angry so he messaged those people to make me angry. He said that he knew one day I would find out about the account and he wanted to make me feel jealous. He also said that he didn’t tell people at his work about his marriage because if they knew he had a wife they wouldn’t give his mother the medical insurance.

I know that it’s a foolish explanation and I have tried talking to him but he keeps saying that I don’t trust him. I feel extremely hurt now. The fact that not only has he cheated on me, he is also lying on top of that is making me even more upset. I told him last week that I wanted a separation. I told him that I could not trust him anymore and he keeps calling me and asking me to forgive him because he did a ‘foolish thing’ by letting his friend use his facebook and message those girls in anger.

He has told me that he wants me to put past behind us and move on but I just can’t. I keep thinking about how many other people he has not told about his marriage to. I don’t feel attracted to him anymore. I don’t feel like talking to him, I just feel really sad when I think about him. I don’t know if I can ever truly forgive him. I know that divorce is frowned upon by Allah and he keeps reminding me of that too but I really cannot trust him anymore. Even on facebook if he changes his password I keep thinking that he could be talking to other girls. I really need advise on what to do.

Purity M.